MY SHUTTLE DIPLOMACY TO KICK OUT A NOISY NEIGHBOUR

Student Welfare Authority couldn't be so naive and lacking in intelligence to pair my academic semester with a sophomore in halls of residence.You see, though this prefabricated partitions are called single, private and confidential, any slight movement that stirs up across the wall, will never escape your 5 senses.

And since our new parlance is shuttle charming your way out of hells like Hague, i went on an all out offensive to dispatch my adolescent neighbor to room downstairs. its called forceful eviction softly.

This sucker you see is a boof baff. or a poor imitation of gangster lifestyle.Lil Wayne blares from his cheap speakers all day long, walks out of the door with his pants on his knees,and has rings on every prickable space of his thick skin.Then his bubble is replica to a fault.

When you toss into that the ladies who mill around his bed, outrageously kiddish they are just unfolding from pampers, whose dress code is like they got kicked off dressing table, buoy, you get nauseated.

They always seem to be relay batonning that room that you get scared they don't attend lectures.

Their chatter is fully anecdoted gibberish that brims with abbreviations, they even abbreviate laughter. shrilly cyclical nonsenses like "hey, i saw im an am like, oh mai GOooooSH, i lOled, an he is like xoxoxo...." crap!!!

I decide like, this dude is hellbent to extend me a maddening tenancy.

I go through Joseph Nye's soft power, some texts by Sun Tzu, and am fully equipped to confront the brainless bugger.

I come out of my side of room packed with both Hard and Soft diplomatic power, and other Nyangori Alitsi tricks should the foremost authority's' advice falter.

I have a towel wrapped around me, long enough to funika the essentials, and brief enough to direct eye attention to my most pruned features.I cough authoritatively and flip open his door blind. All eyes fall on my chest, then slowly they investigate me downwards, then gradually again upwards:trick number one EXCELLENT.

I cough again and beckon my fry to move over. he slides off the packed bed and shuffle forward with the characteristic limp. His eyes inspect my tight chest once more, that, he is sure stopped brief off his chics tits, a flat six pack under, and legs that seem to have been chopped off Lwanda Magere.

Having perfectly scored on the hard part, i now go soft "hey buddy**cough**hey, hey..ope you dont mind my diet, since we neighbours, yu know..not bud acquainting early" i lazily say " and getting to know our biases". The Sahara temperature i had planted in their room rapidly drops as i hear sighs of relief.

Under his bare breath, he is like, dude, fwck off, got nuthin better to stop ma fun??

Leaning on the door, he now affords to glare firingly at me, if only gazes could scorch.

"See bro," i go on despite his disinterest" I am from Nyanza, and ma moma packed a sack of small fish for me", i heave myself slightly and with lots of art to let his eyes fall effortlessly into my room. what his eyes land on, gives him a lurch.

Droplets mysteriously come on his entire face. he is listening now. "Ok!,i go on as matter of factly,I am emotionless, " you see its our staple food, and i wouldn't mind sharing some.a tasty serving" the bitchez in his room are hell stiff scared. One lets forth a filled belch. The dude is flashing me a staggering murderous glare. I can see him shaking. i don't flinch a bit

I proceed with my shuttle diplomacy, to rid myself of this dude.

And since halls officer thought it better to spice my packed important academic schedule with this pack of idles, i will use my summed intelligence to as diplomatically as possible to send my neighbor looking for alternative space.

"By the way, I hope you will not be distressed with the aroma of my deli,it has olfactory healing, so the doctors say" He wants to punch me in the face, i am struggling to hold back a lump of laughter coming up my thorax. He is so helpless he wants to wail.

"coz i was thinking i got a friend second floor who never minds my diet" he now wants to devour me whole, and just to remind him my hard part, i slide in this just in case.."By the way we met before?I am chief goon around this hall too.

A mixture of calm and aggression overwhelms him..He goes through ecstatic moments, like holy grail hunters, in climaxic religious copulation.

His eyes almost pop of the ring infested eye socket.

"You guys could have switched rooms you know, he come up, you go down."

My strategy is scoring ha-tricks every second i see. He guidedly rotates his blinged neck to his acquaintances who are haphazardly arranged in his room, as if to seek some intervention. they are tossed all over the room and they all blankly stare back at him, the ladies seem like they are telling him to jump at my offer..ooooh my gooooooooosh!

Lil Wayne has fizzled off and one of the dudes is numbly caressing a bottle of ZAPPA.

When he brings his neck back to me, i got a killer punch on the  ready.

"Uhm, BOSS, sori have taken so much of ya time yu know**cough**let me a minute slide to club 36 for onions" he is like, ya nigga! go and die there."meanwhile neighbour", i make my self sufficiently audible "I will leave my stuff boiling, wont mind if you add water in for me"

The statement quacks him rapturously than a 20.1 Richter scale, like a spinned fork, he swirls all out, scrambling for his wares and his bitchez.Under his breath barely audible, he is shakenly mumbling" show me the room downstairs please.

I pity him, though i cant starve myself a dry silent giggle. i deserve one, and an AFCO gulp to boot.

I help him to clear out, when him and his entourage take the last bend to the staircase, i go hurraaaaaaaay.

You see the dude joining me up now from second floor  is Rotich, is a next to final year, He lived his adolescence while still in high school, hence has matured up. He is rarely in campus so i got self contained to myself. some serenity.

I go back to my Omenas surface spread on a sack on the floor, and repartition them back to repatriate them to my naughty Jang'o friends who came in at my hour of need.

My exited sophomore can roast ears and spoil the peace of the poor lad he finds down there.

Now am ready for a really diplomatic assignment I suppose.am roast and tested. Ocampo next.